This is going to be a different kind of post. It’s not an original writing piece, it isn’t a poem, and it isn’t any sort of minor update about my life. If this sort of thing doesn’t interest you, feel free to stop reading. I know my stats for this site, and I guarantee that most of my followers don’t check the recent posts, and for whichever reason someone is periodically viewing my blog from my school. Nevertheless, if you do decide to read this, I hope it provides something for you, even if it is mild annoyance.
It is the word used when describing many conflicts about a character in a book. Rarely is it actually applicable to life; most people are hyperbolic in nature, and their man vs society complaints are overstated. However, in those rare cases, it’s true. I might be hyperbolic, as a natural story teller (if I do say so myself), but I feel like in my case woman vs society, among other things, is the perfect description. Society is a term I use on a daily basis, usually in some philosophical complaint that I vent to my friends, who are thinking about other things while I talk. Don’t worry, they wont get offended because even my friends don’t read this. But day to day I find myself talking about society, it’s faults, and most importantly, my role in it.
I am a student. Or at least that’s my current occupation according to job applications. I am a student who attends school and studies (rarely) for school and whose main topic of choice at parties I don’t want to attend is school. And school work, and school people and school teachers- is my parallelism getting the point across? School. The main thing people of my age, who aren’t my peers but I’ll get to that later, converse about is school. We all think there are problems with the American Education system, and you can have a boring conversation about that with them, you know, if it would do any good.
Because we can do nothing about our woes. I’m a junior and since I don’t care so much about lower grades, I have no incentive to aid the problematic high school system. What I do spend my time on is the fact that although I can drive a car and potentially leave the state or kill another person, I can’t walk in a hallway without a piece of paper signed. I can’t go to the library and study for this ever-involvement in my life that is school without a dash of red pen on my piece of paper. I have gotten confronted by an administrator for opening a door. I was standing, looking outside at the beautiful fall air, and I got chastised before I so dreadfully admitted I wasn’t going to leave. I’ve been denied travel to a classroom because I forgot this little card with my face on it. I’ve been scolded by the vice-principal who believed a rumor about me, but not my side of the story. This same vice-principal wouldn’t change my gym class when I was being horrendously bullied because it hadn’t “reached a social media level”.
Now, I could blame the school, and it’s people. But it isn’t their fault. I guess it’s mine, and I’ll tell you why. As someone who is almost an adult, I respect that the number on a piece of paper that says my birth date is not the one that allows me to make my own decisions. But I hate being talked down to, so as I feel I am a mentally adult, I talk to other adults equally. Let me just tell you: it frustrates the hell out of them. How can such an ignorant girl like me think that I can address my issues in a professional adult manner? How could I, the almost 17 year old, think that I can calmly talk to a security guard about walking in a hallway? Society has skewed everyone’s perception of age as a number and a number alone.
I may still get upset at things I shouldn’t, you know like my feelings, but mentally I like to treat everyone equal. Of course, I should be so naive as to think that society could handle an outlier as myself. I’ve always been weird. In fact, I’ve been told I was weird as long as I can remember, not just as a joke by relatives, but as an insult among peers. Again, I use the term “peers” lightly.
You see, I know I don’t fit into society. And if you’ve read this far you probably can tell I’m just a sarcastic misanthrope. But ever since elementary school, people have singled me out, called me names. The first time I met my table partner in the 2nd grade, she said, and I quote, “I hate you.” I’m sure she’s still just as charming. Nevertheless, in middle school people would constantly call my name, and if I looked over, they’d start laughing. This continued until freshman year of high school, sometimes by people I didn’t even know. Sophomore year, we we all matured, and people started using the word “Bitch” a little more. I’m just glad their vocabulary was growing. Illiteracy can be a dangerous thing. This year has been mostly of rumors, and I have to give them a little credit for using their imagination. Cognitive growth is always important.
So, socially, society is against me. This is why I don’t have many peers. The ones that are my age, and tolerate my weirdness, usually go to confiding in me. Something about having a limited social life and being somewhat out of the loop must be great for telling secrets to. I’d never know, because I’m usually quiet about my awful home life, parent’s divorce, and lack of support for everything I love. But what ever, who cares about who I actually am, let’s just make fun of me more.
If you’re still reading, props to you because this is all most likely coming out as extremely complainy, which it isn’t supposed to be. Maybe it is, but I’m not done so hang in there. Thanks.
I’d be pretty down with the whole woman vs society thing, except for the fact that I’m not sure what I’m doing entirely wrong. I’m not going to tell you that I’m just “being myself” because that really isn’t the case. I change my personality, usually just a tad, for the person I’m with at the time. I get along better with them and they don’t think of me as so weird. I try to enjoy the things that my acquaintances enjoy, but sometimes it’s hard. When I do express my opinion, people give me the complaint that it’s too strong. This is usually because I don’t want to argue. If I do argue, just for argument’s sake, I am always the first one to end it. But the problem is, in today’s culture, everyone has to defend their opinion until they win, or if it’s a draw, they get all emotional about it. I end the argument because it’s pointless. I’m not going to change how I feel, and if you feel strongly about something, good for you. The world needs more people that have their views but can tolerate others. Sometimes I just want to tell someone how I feel about something, anything- even something as stupid as wallpaper- and not have someone immediately try to convince me that floral is always the way to go. Maybe I like striped wallpaper. I don’t need to defend myself to you simply because you can’t understand that not everything is a battle.
So that was a little bit of a vent. But that’s how I feel. If I ever say how I emotionally feel, well let me just say: it’s a stupid thing to do; especially among teenagers. God forbid I feel sad because guess what, someone else thinks they feel sadder and they have to justify such “fact” with a compelling story and make the entire group listening obey by their manipulation of the mind. God forbid I have any emotion, because it looks like I am the one looking for attention (which I like to stray away from) and it turns into a debate whether my emotion is real.
I can’t win. And I know you probably feel like You can’t win, but I’m going to be narcissistic just a little bit longer.
Society is great because not only can’t I fit in, enjoy, and be a part of it, I can’t win at even the little things. I can’t get my math grade up, I can’t count on something I’m looking forward to, and I can almost always know that when I run into that wall, someone will laugh at me. I know that every little thing I do will be wrong, and people will not forget it. I know that I laugh at inappropriate times, and I know that I probably dressed wrong to this occasion. Every little thing I do will be a fault in society’s falsely perfect face.
I’ve contemplated abandoning the entire commodity. But someone can’t even do that without the people of society looking in and judging how stupid, weird, or bitchy that seems to be. So I’m stuck here. With people who hate me for no reason, people who can’t handle little jokes, people who can’t let me think anything without Big Brother’s scold, and every situation I have or will ever fail at. I’d like to leave because my distaste is so repulsive that the thought of living another 70 years with this world makes me want to vomit. But it’s something I have to do. I rather find happiness than please the people around me.
Society, as it is, isn’t accepting. The people who we live with aren’t accepting of others, yet want to do what they wish without judgement. Society isn’t welcoming for someone like me, or for people with similar views. I’m not trying to be some angsty teenager, I’m not trying to say something no one has said before. I just want my view of society out there. My claim may not be as thesis-perfect as that essay I wrote for AP Language was, and my views may be contradictory. But overall, I think it all boils down to evidence and examples of what I see everyday. I’ve watched other people get bullied, I’ve watched someone fall off a bike, I’ve seen a kid get yelled at by it’s parents when it did nothing wrong. I can’t step in and help any of it. Society is disgusting, unwelcoming, and overall full of a million faults. I don’t fit into it. A lot of people don’t fit into it. And it isn’t fair.
Life isn’t fair. Well, genius, I know that. I don’t know my exact claim to this essay-like grievance, but I know that it shouldn’t be this way. People shouldn’t be singled out for being different. People shouldn’t be automatically assumed they’re up to no good. No one should have to accept that they are alone in this world. A number on a piece of paper shouldn’t have to guarantee your success, but it does. And I know that I can’t change that, and I know that no one can change that, but it bothers me and it will forever be bothersome.
I’ve gone on long enough, and odds are I’ll add something in as I anxiously look for errors, but for now, this is my, well, perception of the entire affair. It is kind of rambling, kind of intellectual, and most of all, true. If you have any problem, please comment. I’d love to hear your views, and how you probably think mine are completely misguided.